Grief: Finding a New Way to Hold On

Grief can be an overwhelming, all-consuming experience. It shocks us out of our daily lives, demanding our full attention and energy. While grief visits us in many forms, the loss of a loved one comes with additional complexity. Grieving is emotionally draining, may include physical discomfort and disruption, and is often accompanied by many logistical tasks such as attending to the deceased’s possessions, recovering from the impacts of ongoing caretaking, and adjusting to a new life.

What can be helpful for bereaved individuals as they adjust to life after loss? When I work with clients experiencing grief, I often draw on grief researcher Robert Neimeyer’s “Three R’s of Processing Grief.” Grief therapy offers a place to retell, rebuild, and reinvent after loss.

First, having a space to reflect and retell the grief narrative can be helpful. It provides an opportunity to make meaning out of confusing, complicated, and sometimes traumatic experiences. Having a therapist who provides a spacious and respectful environment to witness the many aspects of the your story can be a step toward healing.

In the words of Neimeyer, “Grieving isn’t a process of letting go, it’s a process of finding a new way to hold on.” When someone we love dies, our relationship with them doesn’t end even though it will change. Therapy can aid in rebuilding a connection that has been forever transformed and in moving forward in a way that continues bonds.

Losing someone changes us on a personal level, and it often changes the world we previously inhabited. Part of adapting to loss requires that we reinvent aspects of ourselves and our lives. The process of reinvention can involve a range of emotions: sadness that our loved one isn’t present to witness our growth, excitement for new opportunities, a new sense of possibility and deepening into our own selves.

Grief is an inevitable experience, and an intense and deeply personal journey. As a therapist, I also view grieving as a sacred passage deserving of attuned attention and witnessing. Jung writes, “Embrace your grief. For there, your soul will grow.” Grief will inevitably touch us all and change our lives. How might we embrace it and find the freedom to grow into who we can be after loss?